After feeling as if I couldn't breathe, I went through a white, spinning tunnel. In the center of the tunnel was a young boy with dark hair. He was smiling and calling me to follow him. There was the sweetest draw to do whatever I could to try to meet him, but as I got closer, he seemed to stay just out of reach. I didn't know the boy, but there was a feeling that I loved him and he was the gateway to a place that would fulfill a kind of fairy tale for me somehow. There were so many promises surrounding the feeling he emanated, I kept wishing I would see him again every time I fell asleep at night for many years afterwards. I would have dreams about him and the tunnel, but they didn't hold the incredible draw and feel of the actual experience. After the experience, all the many dreams and wishes to see him again felt weak.
Date NDE Occurred: 1965
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Suffocation Other: Woke up under heavy covers after feeling like I hadn't been breathing
Woke up under heavy covers after feeling as if I hadn't been breathing.
I woke up in a sweat and unable to breathe under heavy covers after dreaming that I couldn't breathe for a long time, but I was four so I didn't think about death or wonder if I had died.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal The highest level of consciousness was so gentle and sweet, like a magical kiss from the prince in Sleeping Beauty. I longed to reach him and see the place about he winked. It was a different world that was hidden behind him.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? While watching the boy at the center of the spinning, white tunnel
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. This place of light and promise was filled with the most embracing love I had ever known. On a daily basis, I was an unhappy child, being spanked long and hard from my earliest memories. One day I stood on a pile of wood where my father was building a church. He picked up a stick to 'spank' me with and I knew I didn't want to live. I thought in my own little four-year-old mind, 'It's not worth it.'
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard only a deep and profound silence.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was on the bottom left of a white and spinning tunnel, looking up in amazement at the boy in the center.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Just the boy
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Swirling, very white and living light
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Just the world around the corner, from which he seemed to radiate
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt awe, love, golden silent awareness, fascination, attraction and desire to follow the boy from where he was calling me in the center of the tunnel.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Unknown
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant My father was a preacher, but this was not consistent with anything we were taught at the time.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Spiritual love is more personal and exhilarating than I would have ever been able to imagine.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I can go to church and feel the spirit, I can go to a Buddhist temple and meditate, but I use it for inner structure and development. Probably the best phrase to describe my current way of approaching life would be words from the Tohei Sensei, 'Let us have the universal spirit that loves and protects all things and helps all things grow and develop.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience This was a simple experience of a young girl; I've had deep experiences since then, one with the passing of my youngest son into that mysterious place, but none that fit the category of a personal NDE.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I was taught about some kind of abstract, spiritual love, not about this personal, enlivening kind of love.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I saw a boy with a magnetic, lighthearted smile that called me to follow him.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Just the awareness that this kind of love existed.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? Unknown
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Uncertain I don't know if I even knew about death.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? Unknown
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Just the feeling of being swept up in a flood of peaceful and exciting love, full of potential.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Love is my compass.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was entirely experienced on a feeling level. I was too young to understand romance, kissing, or any of that. It was my first ever experience of this level of cozy, warm, magical, love filled with promises of greater things to come.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. This experience was on a feeling level and the golden feeling followed me for years afterwards.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have a sweet sense of connection with most people. I understand and value their hardships and gifts to our world. I also have dreams that speak in code of incredibly deep ideas. In one recent dream, I am talking with my mom, who is in heaven. She tells me all the secrets of the universe. As I peak my head back into this world, I hear a voice saying, 'Just like you can't peak your head into water and take a breath, you can't peak your head into the physics of this world without losing the memory of the other. As I wake up, I have only inklings of the beautiful things my mother had told me from heavenly places.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Just the feeling of the incredible love in our future. Like the light at the end of the tunnel, there is a light at the end of the world.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It seemed so private and personal; I only recently shared it a little.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real When it comes to deep and lasting feelings like this golden love, it means more than words or daily living events.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I have had many opportunities to experience spiritual, romantic and motherly love. The golden light I found that day is familiar in all these kinds of love as well. Nothing is more real.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Just the many kinds of love I've had the joy to experience.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? We all have something beautiful to look forward to, one day, not so far away.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I wonder if some of the questions, that are not pertinent, could be skipped for simplicity.