The accident happened in my barn as I was passing by the horse. The horse was in the corridor tied on cross ties. She is young, a three year old horse that I use for breeding. I finished cleaning her, and we both were having a good time. As I finished with the task, I was passing by her head moving towards her tail, to grab the lead rope to take her to the stall. The horse spooked for some reason, bolted back with all her might and one of the cross ties snapped. She lost her balance and literately pulled me under herself, ripping off all the muscles from my right shoulder. The horse fell on me, squashing me between her hip, the wall, and a concrete floor.
All of the sudden everything went 'white' and very clear in my head. All I could hear in my head were 'crack, crack' sounds, as my bones were breaking. The horse was still on the second cross tire and panicking. She needed to get up. To do that, she fell back to the side, onto me to gain a momentum to get up. At this point, I could hear another round of 'cracking' noises. Then all went totally white and I went into the tunnel with the brightest light at the end.
When I was in the tunnel, it was not a physical experience. It was still me, but I would say that it was an out of the body experience. My body did not take part in it.
The tunnel was made of solid material. I could not tell what kind of material as if it was metal or plastic. The walls were smooth and there was nothing for me to grasp.
The Light at the end of the tunnel was super bright.
But the major factor was the strongest pulling force coming from the light-end of the tunnel and pulling me through the tunnel and into the light.
All I knew is that I did not want to go to that light. I knew it would be the end of me! It was the point where I would disappear forever. There were no positive or negative emotions. It was very matter-of-fact.
I was trying to resist that strong pull, trying to hold onto the walls of the tunnel. That is why I know the walls were smooth, as I did not have anything to grasp.
All my being and all my power was guided to resist that force. Yet, the force seemed to be stronger than I was. I knew that I was losing a battle.
In the end, I was s-o-o-o-o very tired that my grip got weaker and weaker until my energy was limp. I had nothing left in me to resist.
All of the sudden, that pulling force disappeared.
Then all I could feel was an eternal peace and love. The Love-enlightened feeling was overwhelming. It is still in me, even two years later. Another feeling was the notion that from now on, everything is going to be good. I woke up seeing people were looking over me. That is when I felt myself returning into my body very slowly, as if I was filling back into myself. In retrospect, I felt that all the Angels were there to help me to survive and be well. I did not see them, but I felt their presence.
Even though my right arm was hanging in the 'skin,' I knew all is going to be good, and I will heal well.
I knew that, now I should take good care of myself because I was needed for something bigger. Despite the terrible physical pain, I knew that I couldn’t go into pain shock. I should maintain control to see that my body is taken care of; it was like a mission: I felt driven.
Date NDE Occurred: August 13, 2014
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Life threatening event, but not clinical death
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal The whole experience was very vivid! The first part was intense, because there was a real 'fight' against going to the light. I was fighting for my life.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was at my highest alert when I was fighting the pulling force and being sucked into the light. The second peak of awareness was when I was released and started to feel the presence of somebody, which was very comforting, loving and reassuring.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time had lost its meaning. There was no time, no real place or space. It was nowhere, did not have anything definite. There was no past. There was only future towards the light. The only definite parts were tunnel, light, force, my unbelievable resistance to the force.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision before the accident was normal, not affected by anything. During the accident, it would not be my eye site vision. I was under the horse, and I could not see anything. Internal image though, could be described in stages. Firstly, all went completely white and clear. Then the same happened to my brains. All went white, clear and very quiet. Then I saw dark tunnel and the brightest light. My vision was very vivid.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing was fine before the accident. During the accident, everything went quiet. All I could hear were internal body sounds of my bones cracking. When I went to the tunnel, there were no sounds, only the presence of the force and energy.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes When the horse rolled over me for the second time, my 'physical' mind ceased to exist. I went to the tunnel. As I started to feel a force pulling me into the light, I started to resist it with all my might. I had only one emotion that I should resist the force, and I should not be drawn into the light. I certainly knew that that would be the end of me. As I described previously, the tunnel was round and dark. Light at the end of the tunnel was super bright. There was a physical force pulling me towards the light.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw it at the end of the tunnel. It was brighter than anything I could compare it to; sun light is not as bright.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I was in the tunnel.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? My first emotions were very clear, concise. I did not want to be paralyzed. That was all that bothered me, not even the excruciating pain. I was trying to listen where the sounds of breaking bones were coming from and assess the damage. When the horse rolled over me for the second time, my 'physical' mind ceased to exist. I went to the tunnel. As I started to feel a force pulling me into the light, I started to resist it with all my might. I had only one emotion that I should resist the force, and I should not be drawn into the light. I certainly knew that that would be the end of me.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes It was the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew it was a limit of my existence. It was a very clear notion.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I was in tunnel pulled by the force toward the light. But somehow, I knew that I couldn’t go there. A super strong notion. I put all my 'force/energy' to fight that pull. I did not want to cease to exist.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic I was Catholic at the time. Did not practise it daily, but carried it in my heart and daily actions.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain Well, my On-gong trainer guided my path to recovery. He opened me to the knowledge of Buddhism. I follow some of those rules, yet I still consider myself a Catholic.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic I still perceive myself as a Catholic. My newly acquired knowledge of Buddhism teachings is very close and understandable to me..
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience The first message I received was not to allow myself to be pulled into the light. As I did not cross the border of no return, the second message was consistent to the first. It was a comforting, loving notion that now everything will be fine and good. That peace and protection has come.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I should trust my inner voice.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin It was not the voice. I could not identify anybody. It was more of the notion as if someone was putting thoughts into my head. There was no conversation. I just felt an incredibly strong presence, which was guiding me. It was giving me a guidance of what to do. Every step, like not to enter the light, for example. After the force had disappeared, there was a distinctive message that from now on everything is going to be fine. More than fine, everything is going to be magnificent. I felt like somebody was looking over my shoulder. I felt a strong presence of someone, but I did not see anybody. I knew that that someone had saved my life. I knew that I would heal well and fast. I knew that I am going to be happy. A very, very powerful feeling.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I knew that I am alive because I was supposed to do something important in this life. That was a very strong message that I have to live. But I was not given any directions as to why.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? I am uncertain if an afterlife exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I moderately fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I got the notion that some higher source unites the whole world. I got a sense that I am guided by the source. I cannot say about anybody else.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes After I was left lying limp in the tunnel, I experienced an enormous relief, peace, calm, security and an unconditional love.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life During the accident, I felt the presence of the unique power, both 'bad' and 'good.' Power was guiding me. I was given the notice that all the power I need lies within me. I experienced that the higher power exists.
I realized that I should do things in my life, which I love, and that are relevant to other people. To make people healthier, happier, show them that deep down people have the answers. I realized that my job (dentistry, oral surgery), which I was doing happily for more than 26 years, lost meaning for me. Despite financial and other benefits, I tried to stay disciplined and continue to work for another everyday more months, until one day I realized that I am not fair to the patients with my ignorance to the task. My passion and care for dentistry were gone. Since the moment I healed successfully, fast and am pain-free (!!!) is close to the miracle. I should help people, who suffer from post-traumatic pain to come back to live, and recover to become even better than before. Just as it has happened to me!
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I stopped being people pleaser. I wanted everybody around me to be happy, even at my own expense. Now I have to do things and surround myself with the people, whose presence enlightens me brings me inner peace and love. I avoid all people as much as humanly possible, who have a mean spirit or act without respect to the others. I stopped worrying about the rumors, anger and jealousy.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th It was the most vivid and detailed experience I ever had. I felt it through my all senses.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I always had some gifts of 'feeling' people, things. I could find water under the ground with the stick for instance. Now all those feelings and notions have intensified.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I had severe anxiety problems being a Catholic. Many of my prayers went answered, so my beliefs diminished. During the accident, I felt the presence of the unique power, both 'bad' and 'good.' Power was guiding me. I was given the notice that all the power I need lies within me. I experienced that the higher power exists.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? No
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I heard it from my colleagues. They told me stories about 'unearthly' incidents in the surgery room. I also heard it from the patients.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I was in the hospital battling for my life. Yet I had a notion that everything will be great and I will heal very fast. Just as it happened.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I still feel a strong guidance to not to do some specific, certain things. I feel general guidance to be present in the state I was at the end of my NDE- confidence, assurance, peace and love.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? During the accident, I felt the presence of the unique power, both 'bad' and 'good.' Power was guiding me. I was given the notice that all the power I need lies within me. I experienced that the higher power exists.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I heard that many people experience a lot of darkness after the NDE. Maybe you should address that.