Experience Description

On April 3, 1970 I had my free day, suddenly an inner voice told me: 'See a doctor today, immediately!' I asked: 'Why I have no pain?' 'Today immediately' came the answer. In three practices I was declined because I had no appointment. In the fourth one, a private practice, I was declined also because of the missing appointment. With tears I politely asked to tell the Lady doctor, that I absolutely wanted to have a check-up today. She went and and came back with the reply, that I should take a seat in the waiting room, which was full with pregnant women. I was called quickly and followed the nurse in the office where the doctor asked me: 'Why did you insist to be checked today?' I hardly could tell her that an inner voice had been prompting me to to this; she probably would tell me that she never heard such a crazy or weird thing and send me away and so I answered, 'Because I wouldn't have been ready to see a gynecologist on any other day.' As she was looking into my inside, she eagerly called the nurse and said to her, look here, look very well! After this I also wanted to know what specifically was to be seen there, but she kept quiet about it, and transferred me urgently in a hospital. There many test were performed - of what I was not prepared to - with this little ailment. Three days later a small surgery was required, where the nurse was injecting an anesthetic and said: 'Soon you will bee sleeping'. But I didn't sleep, so that they had to give me ether, but the smell of ether was so abject that I didn't want to breath it, that I wanted to get my head away from the mask until....

After three or four weeks the results were significant, when the professor calmly and serenely told me: 'Do you still want children?' 'No' I said, one is enough'. 'Then I'm telling you you have a cancer! Your mouth of uterus rose like a Satan's mushroom'. 'I don't believe this, Sir! I'm still much too young!' 'Disease doesn't stop in front of any age' he answered. Suddenly it was as if a cement block was crashing down on me, pounding me to the ground, and I said: 'I have a small child, what will happen to her, when I will be dying, Sir?' I had been shattered, and blamed him, if I was dying. 'If you accept what I propose to you, you will see your child again', he said. 'But, Sir, I have no pain at all, except during sex, and when I'm pushing I'm loosing a bit of light blood.' 'If you were having pain, it would be too late for you', he said softly. 'What!!' If I had not been listening to my inner voice, I would have been too late, this was reverberating in me. Before the big surgery I got the usual drugs, but I didn't start sleeping, so that the professor in the surgery room asked: 'Why is that woman not sleeping?'. 'But she will be soon', said a nurse. The hands of the big station clock showed 10 past 7 and the sun was shining in the room. During the operation I woke up with unbearable pain, it was so heavy as if ten sharp knifes were cutting again and again in my belly. My arms were fixed to a frame with leather straps and buckles, and I was able to tear my left arm from the fixation and touch the cutting spot on my body. The professor standing in front of me said, 'I'm not yet ready! This hand, take it away!' Then the anesthetist drove tubes down my throat, so that I was near vomiting.

Suddenly I was lying in the lap of a young man and he said, 'Have no fear you are safe here'. I had no pain anymore and no fear. It was very silent around us, until from the left side small ribbons with an open mouth passed by, where one mouth turned towards me, and smiled as if it would know me. When the young man and I were alone again, the sun was shining from the right side, otherwise it was dark around us. Then I wanted to know who the young man was. When I turned my head up, I saw he had dark hair, but I couldn't recognize his face, it was smashed, rather like a mummy. My arms were lying on his naked legs, looking young, with few hair. Here in his lap I felt wonderful, happy and content. I decided to stay there. But suddenly I was looking, from diagonally above, down into a room with white light, where a man dressed in white clothes with a black headgear, was heavily hitting a person's face, so that the hair of the person being beaten, was falling back and forth, and there I recognized myself as the person in bed being beaten. And I thought, 'Do I exist in double?' Once in bed, and a second time in the lap of the young man?' Again and again the Mann was hitting my face and was calling, 'Wake up! Mrs. E, wake up! Come back!' I heard him calling, but couldn't answer. 'Come back! Go on Mrs. E! Come back!' And continued hitting my face. This continued some time. But I felt so well, in the lap of the young man and was so happy. Harmony, the silence, were what I always had been looking for and now finally got. I'm staying here. It is here that I belong. And I continued hearing calling my name, and the man was still hitting my face. Then the young man, in whose lap I was laying said very softly, 'go!' And with the next hits and calls of the white clad man I said 'yes!' 'She is there! She is back!' a relieved mans voice shouted.

After three days I woke up with unbearable pain, and when I slightly opened my eyes and saw where I was, I closed them quickly again and asked myself. Where is the young man in whose lap I was? I don't want to stay here. I don't belong here. And the nurse gave me a shot and said, 'This is the last shot against the pain'. 'Why sister?' 'You got morphine and should not get used to.' When I said, 'why sister', my whole jaw was hurting. 'Sister my whole jaw is hurting!' 'But they didn't do anything to it, for you to have pain there, maybe you got toothache.' 'No the whole jaw hurts'. But she couldn't know that I got such heavy beating to the face by a man, and my jaw was still causing problems for decades. When I was prompted to stand up, with the help of a nurse, I fell to the ground. The circulation couldn't keep up. Later they removed the staples on my belly, and the place that I had touched with my hand during surgery, when that staple was removed, a fountain of secretion was pouring, that the doctor couldn't stop easily, and it remained for a year before it healed completely. After a radio of the kidneys I got high fever, above 105 degrees, I fantasized and was apathetic. The doctors couldn't explain where the high fever came from, until they found out about the contrast agent for the kidney radio. Till midnight for every hour I got a shot against the fever. Three weeks later, the white clad man with the black headgear, came in the room in order to prepare a patient for an operation, and there I recognized the man who had been beating my face. I asked him, 'Doctor is this true what I experienced during my operation?' 'Yes', he said and added, 'If you want to complain, then please do it with my boss.' 'It's not about complaining, but I thank you for your honesty. The Cobalt rays, I called them Satan's rays, as they were much harder to endure as what I had experienced until then. No food remained, and my bowel was on diarrhea. I didn't eat anymore and only wanted to die and be with the young man. One day I thought very much about my child and she asked, 'Mommy, when are you coming home? I need you!' As of this day things were looking up and I wished, that for her fourth birthday I could be with her. I made it and went along with my child, to school and further on, until today.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: Ende April 1970

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Illness Surgery-related While under general anesthesia. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness Consciousness and alertness were as normal as usual.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From the moment when I was in the lap of the young man.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was a difference, so that during the experience everything was more pleasant, calmer, more peaceful, and especially harmonious. The sight before the apparition, in the daily routine was noisy, hectic, envious, and quarrelsome; therefore, I didn't want to come back.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing was the same; there was no difference to normal daily hearing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

The experience included: Presence of deceased persons

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes As a child, I learned from my mother, that her father was suddenly killed between two wagon buffers at the age of 36, during work. At that time, she was 2 ½ years old. As a young woman, I was scared passing under a railroad bridge with traffic, while thinking about my grandpa who was killed. With my deceased husband, I experienced for a time, some mysterious experiences and plunged into frontier science, where I also became aware that I experienced a near death experience. When I had collected some experience with frontier science, I visualized my grandpa and lo and behold, in 100th of a second he was standing in front of me, but in light form and gloomy. Now I had proof that I was in his lap during my near death experience. He knew that I would be the one, who would reconnect him again with his wife. So it happened. I accepted grandpa the way he was and reconnected him again with his wife. Until the re-connection with his wife, the energy of consciousness of my grandpa was staying near me and waited until I had advanced far enough, so that I could reconnect him again with his wife. During my near death experience, he knew that I had a small child that needed me, and he therefore sent me back to earth.

The experience included: Void

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Yes of course. I was in bed, and I was also lying in the lap of the young man, there I was existing twice. I was in another world, which was more harmonious, freer, and happier, about what I never spoke, as I didn't want to be considered nuts and end in the insane asylum.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? These I even cannot describe them at all, because they were so wonderful and silent, as they do not exist on earth..

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Not immediately, but when I was confronted with my husband's death, I was also reminded about my near death experience. When he was in morphine intoxication, I said to him, 'Soon you will have no more need for this poison, in the other world there is no pain. Anyway, that world is much nicer than this one here'. Then I complained with him, 'why do you leave me alone?' Then his energy of consciousness was crossing over into mine, and I was carrying it for half a year, until I fulfilled his last wish, that he had been revealing to me. Today, I know that it is the 'energy of consciousness' or the 'knowing Self', which is leaving the body before the person is dead, and biomass remains. But at the time, I didn't know this until I started with frontier science. This is not religious, I'm not dealing with that, but I accept the spiritual world. In my eyes, the church is too dirty I don't need it. I created my own world and that's the spiritualistic view of the world, and that is very good.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Atheist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Finally, I concluded that there must be two worlds: one where I had been, the harmonious world and the other one down there, the noisy world. But in time, and not talking about, I was swimming again along with the lower noisy world; and the harmonious one, (one that I desired so much), was repressed.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God does not exist

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife does not exist

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No See narrative

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

Were you compassionate after your experience? Not compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? After the death of my husband, I was 49, I remembered my near death experience, but never talked with him about it. But when I had mysterious experiences with his energy of consciousness, the spiritualistic worldview became very important for me. I learned everything I could get my hands on, and never got too much. In my profession, I felt with the sick people. In my free time, I dealt with the spiritual knowledge, tried many methods on myself, and was reading books on weekends round the clock. My brain and I always wanted to be occupied. Until came the big crash, sneaking itself bit by bit into my body. With this, my energy of consciousness, or my inner voice, every now and then gave signals and signs, but I had ignored them. After this, it withdraws my life energy. No more bets. My life energy dropped down, until I was like a 6-year-old child. Leaving bed was only possible with lots of effort. But I didn't talk to anybody about this, and one could not see it, as I behaved as usual, nice, polite, gentle with others, and well groomed, until I voluntarily left my working life. Without a doctor, or medicines I treated myself, with methods and techniques of spiritual knowledge. After two years, I was again so far, that I ventured again between humanity. During that time, I let go of workmates, relatives and friends and locked myself up in my home. Again, I learned from books, visited seminars and was occupied with myself. In a funeral home, I put myself in a casket, in order to feel the same feeling that I felt during my near death experience, namely: silent, quiet, light and happy. I felt it. As in the two years of retirement, my body experienced so many positive things, dying was sliding into the background, but retirement was kept, until today. Today at old age, I'm dealing with the latest scientific knowledge that recognizes that there is a life after death. I can confirm this. This world is my world, harmonious, peaceful and silent without struggles and masks. I am happy, healthy and free. I'm speaking to my consciousness, to my heart and am thankful that they gave me a good day, and many more things.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I permanently had problems with my husband's relatives, so far that they even wanted to take my child away from me, as according to them I apparently had no idea about upbringing. When after three months, I finally could leave the hospital and got back to my family, my husband wasn't there for me anymore, he found a mistress and wanted to leave with the child. For me another battle started. I wanted to be positive with everybody, but the others refused, and condemned me, even though I never hurt anybody. I wanted to reconcile with the family, as I also saw positive things in them. With my husband I was so convincing that I could win him back for me, but the relatives not.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Well, I'm not putting it necessarily upon the experience, as they are simply there. When I tell my consciousness in the evening before going to bed, it should wake me up at 7 am, then I'm awake five minutes before seven. Or I sense if somebody is dying. An example: I keep few contacts with the tenants in the house, but I'm always polite and friendly. One day the tenant living above me contacted me in the street and said, 'I don't feel like continuing!' He meant, he didn't want to live anymore. He had asthma and was over 70. I answered: 'please think positive, then everything will be okay. Then he tapped his forehead. I wished him a nice day, and we parted. One week later, I went to bed about 10:30 pm and my consciousness was waking me up around 01:00 am, and I was looking into the sleeping room above me. I never had been there. Suddenly I was in their living room, standing near the cupboard, watching the man lying on the ground snapping for air. His wife was standing in the doorway of the sleeping room looking at her husband. He said, 'Get my medicine.' She went to the bedside table, got it out and showed it to him. 'That's the wrong one', he said. She got the right one, stood again in the doorway and showed it to him. But she made no move to give it to him. He once again lifted his head, and then fell back to the ground. He was dead. One year after this, the woman got sick and died soon afterwards. But she didn't have such a good death as her husband; she was suffering a lot before her energy of consciousness left her. This is one experience of many.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Before my mother died, we lived about 300 km away, but I felt her energy more often than I wanted. Between her and me there was like a rubber string. Two days before her death, I saw in a meditation that she was carried out of her home in a casket. Following this, I called at home and my brother confirmed, 'Mother has been brought to hospital yesterday.' She hadn't been carried in a casket out of her home, but on a stretcher, but death was carried along. In the evening, I heard her voice through the rubber string. 'Come to me! I command you! In the morning, I went to see her. I greeted her with a caress on her hand. She opened her eyes, looked at me, turned up her mouth, and closed them again. Then she disclosed, with closed eyes, what she had kept secret until then. After an hour, I took leave in the same way I greeted her. With this, a feeling made me sense, that here and now was the last time I would see and talk to her alive. I wished her all the love and good on her journey to the light. Then I left silently, as I had come.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Because I was cut in two. As a schoolgirl, another girl once was telling me something about a cosmic world and a terrestrial world. She called the one world macrocosm and the other world microcosm, which I didn't understand at all at that time. I was remembering this, but didn't know what was meant by it. I judged, because I could imagine another world, that could be much better, and that I was ever looking for, but that I couldn't find. With the near death experience, I finally found this world, my natural world.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real The world has changed and so did man. I became more mature and wiser, and look at my experience with other eyes. With the help of holotropic breathing, I saw me, in my mother's womb, then my birth and how I struggled into light and was lying outside, freezing and afraid. 'What is going on with you?' To live or to die? I was not wanted. In the arm of my mother, she pushed my chest so strongly that I was screaming with pain. Then my jaw hurt and I screamed. At this, my breathing caught in my chest. Then a voice at my side said: 'Breathe, breathe! Don't stop breathing!' Then my real self was breathing also, but my real self didn't feel the body anymore, only the heart, that lay open in front of me. Now I was scared to be actually dead. But then a voice in front of me in the room said, 'Breathe, breathe. Welcome home!' I asked the voice: 'What is it that's fleeing the body shortly before death of the body?' 'Well, it's consciousness' it said it, as if I didn't know it. But I had been experiencing it during my near death experience. That's what I saw and therefore this is a reality for me.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any